Friday, October 24, 2008

Outhouses!

Outhouses: hate 'em, scared of 'em, but boy, when you need one aren't they great!?! You never want to be down wind of one, that's for sure. You always open the door with such trepidation. You just never know what you might find. If the smell or the sights don't get you there's always that chance of finding a nice rattlesnake or a wasp's nest sitting in the corner. They sit there, so obvious, so brightly colored, so not part of the landscape.


They have such great names: Big Red's, Spanky's, Andy Gumps, Johnny's.
Then there's the door. You sneak out in the dark of the night, in the middle of the campground. You are trying to be so quiet, so secretive. You do what you went for and then you leave and that door slams, with that familiar noise, the 'you all know what I have been doing' THUNK.

I slept in one once. It was raining and I needed a place to keep dry. Have you ever tried changing clothes in one? Then there was the time, in the middle of the night, I put my small flashlight on top of the paper dispenser. As I finished doing that which was necessary, I bumped into the dispenser. The flashlight bounced around the outhouse and right down the hole. I just had to look in, and what a weird glow was emanating from that dark, scary place. I always wondered what the next person thought!


There is the story of Wild Bill Hickock, the famous gunfighter. He went to use the town's outhouse and as he stood up one of his pearl handled 45's fell down the hole. His guns were his life. So, he opened the lid and squirmed down into the stuff. He pulled out his gun. As he exited the facility, he ran into the town drunk. There Bill was, covered in s***. He pulled his gun out and put it right against the old man's forehead. He warned him that if anyone ever heard about this incidence he would dispatch the poor man from this life. True story.

Love 'em, hate 'em, but when you need one....

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